Reflections

"Two Grande extra-hot half sweet non-fat no whip extra foam hazelnut decaf mochas".

Yes, as I stand behind the coffee machine making various espressos at Starbucks, I find it hard to believe that this time last year I was 200 miles offshore in the North Atlantic, sitting in the cockpit of Annie Laurie. It's been one year since Ed, Effie, Logan and I set out from Surrette's Island, Nova Scotia, bound for Gloucester, or Provincetown, we had yet to wait and see. The atmosphere looked like winter and smelled of salt, and we were bundled up and in high spirits in anticipation of our final destination, Cuba. It's amazing how, despite the very best intentions and dedicated work, we can fail to meet our goals and events can unfold so differently. It's hard not to speculate, could I have known back then what the future had in store, if I ever would have even begun such a journey. Weighing the good with the bad over the last 12 months, I know it was a decision I will never regret. Certain details I'd like to delete from my life's story, feeling that they contributed to more of a regression of my character rather than an enhancement, but I suspect had I stayed home and continued my forecasting position, my life would have spiraled into an unsettled tangle of unrealized dreams and discontent.

As much as we may worry about the future and how we’re going to live it, there's no telling where all the little choices we make in the run of a day will eventually land us. Any plans I make right now have little purpose other than putting my mind at ease for the time being, fooling myself into believing I know what the future will bring. Chances are the plans I make now will bear little resemblance to where I find myself six months or one year from now. But what gets me through these land-bound days are hopes of earning the means to head back to Annie Laurie in early spring, dreams of a jaunt over the Bahamas, and a summer cruise up the eastern seaboard, hopefully arriving in Lunenburg in time for the 2009 September Classic boat race.

Making the most of what you have while working for what you want is a motto I strive to live by. I constantly remind myself how life can pass you by while you're busy making other plans. Therefore, I hope to make the most of my time in British Columbia, enjoy the company of the new friends I’ve made, while working for the winter to enable the next part of my voyage.

It's a challenge though, sitting still. I find clarity in motion and consider myself lucky to have literally endless trails throughout the mountains that loom on my temporary back doorstep. I’ve felt throughout my life that, in a sense, I've been drifting along in the dark, carried by the currents as I tread water. I rarely try to fight fate, and all in all, I don’t’ think the latitude of my existence has been hindered. Despite having the comfort of past experience telling me everything always finds a way of sorting itself out, I’m aware of a feeling of limbo, and I know something is missing. Without being able to identify what it is I seem to be waiting for to make my existence more complete, I see no better option or need to do anything but allow this current take me where it may. That being said, I’m slowly realizing that whatever the choices or currents in the coming year, they all lead to home.